Confessions of an accomplishment addict
How a book on medicine and culture called out my hustle philosophy
My day job is as a senior medical writer where I communicate data from pharmaceutical companies to both doctors and patients. It is a very rewarding job as I pair my love of science with my greater love of reading and writing while also helping provide people the scientific information they need when they need it. Because of my science background, quite a few of my reads are science-adjacent as I find the topic fascinating.
Recently, a coworker recommended the book Medicine & Culture by Lynn Payer to me. Payer was a medical writer and science journalist who wrote about medicine in the US and different European countries. Her book explores the medical landscape of France, West Germany, the UK, and the US and highlights how the cultural elements of medicine play a huge part in how doctors treat their patients. While Payer wrote this book in the 1980s (hence her usage of the term West Germany), I have found it to be very prescient even today and I was unaware of some of the vast differences in medicine across even European countries.
Payer discusses how American medicine can be “aggressive.” She attributes this to American doctors being more obsessive-compulsive by nature due to the American hustle culture and a constant drive for answers and diagnoses. On the whole, Payer says that Americans chase the illusion of progress which is often why doctors prescribe lots of diagnostic tests so that their patients feel like their doctors are doing something to help them get better. In the foreward of Medicine and Culture, Dr. Kerr L. White expands on this thought by saying: “This sort of behavior, it is said, tends to substitute activity for reflection and to confuse actions with accomplishments. ” When I read the bolded passage, reader, I was shook because of how much it described my behavior and approach to life as a very Type A, ESTJ, Enneagram 1.
A few years ago, I was gifted the CliftonStrengths StrengthsFinder test by a friend. This test works by identifying your top 5 ‘Strengths’ across four categories: Executing (help you make things happen), Influencing (take charge, speak up, and help others feel heard), Relationship Building (build strong relationships that help keep a team together), and Strategic Thinking (absorb and analyze information to inform better decision making). All 5 of my top strengths were in the Executing category (1. Achiever, 2. Discipline, 3. Focus, 4. Consistency, 5. Restorative). This test truly described me to a T.
The description of the Achiever (my #1 strength according to StrengthsFinder) is: “You work hard and possess a great deal of stamina. You take immense satisfaction at being busy and productive.” The test went on to describe how “You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself.”
I truly view my day as a progress bar in terms of “accomplishments.” At the beginning of the day, I wake up and my accomplishment level is at 0. Throughout the day, I have the opportunity to reach 100 through doing various tasks whether work, working out, reading, chores, writing, seeing a friend for coffee, pottery etc. At the end of each day, I look back on my day and ask if I did the most with the time I was given. My default is to elevate productivity to an unhealthy level and not make the space and time for reflection. This constant drive to make my days count really leads to me “substituting activity for reflection and to confuse actions with accomplishments.” It feels good to do something and odd to just sit and think.
I have always had a drive for accomplishment as evidenced by my homeschool childhood where reading was my full time hobby and I would often work ahead in assignments because it felt good to have that buffer. However, I do not think that this systems-level accomplishment drive really percolated for me until high school. At that point, I realized that something needed to change for managing my schoolwork to ensure that the competing priorities of different classes were appropriately considered. From then on, this desire to achieve and be productive was given full reign as I finished high school in three years, graduated high school at 16, double majored in college in Genetics and English, graduated college at 20, and went on to get a PhD in Genetics and Molecular Biology at age 25. My most satisfying days are when my tetris-like schedule fits together perfectly and I pivot effortlessly across my tasks and events with the grace of a perfectionistic ballerina who is balancing a stack of plates where none fall.
Not surprisingly, I have found this drive for accomplishment bleeding into my reading life. Reading always feels ‘productive’ as turning a page in a book gives me a feeling of getting something done, moving forward, and progressing. The GoodReads reading challenge every year measures my progress towards my reading goal and can be a particular temptation to speed read through books or choose books that will be easy reads and help me reach my goal faster. The past few years I have intentionally chosen a book goal that I know I can reach so that pressure to rush is removed. As someone who reads quickly to begin with, I have to force myself to read slower to ensure I am grasping the material I am reading.
I do not want to blame my accomplishment addiction on our American culture, but I do find it insightful that in the 1980s a MD wrote a foreward to Medicine & Culture that highlighted how it is an American trait to “confuse actions with accomplishments” and how that still resonates in 2024 - almost 50 years later! I definitely believe that we live in a “hustle” culture that is always focused on more, More, MORE. This is especially present in kids-young adults as there is a “defined pathway to success” through doing well in school, going to college, sometimes getting an upper level degree, getting married, having kids, etc. In short the American dream. I grappled with this some after finishing my PhD as I realized I had “arrived” to the goal I had worked towards for years and now what more was there to work for? StrengthsFinder poignantly said: “As an Achiever you must learn to live with this whisper of discontent” Post-PhD, I have had to really stop, pause, and reflect and remind myself that I worked towards this goal for years and I am now here! My focus has shifted from what is next, to what is here right now and what is in front of me to enjoy.
My addiction to accomplishment has not gone away and will probably never go away based on how I am wired. My hobbies are still centered around things that feel like accomplishments to me - reading books, working out to meet certain strength goals, and creating pottery pieces. However, I am trying to focus less on completion, but more on the process and the journey. How can I read well to engage with the material and make space for contemplation and reflection? How can I be present in my workouts and foster that mind-muscle connection? How can I grow in my skill as a potter and be aware of the clay within my hands? I need to be present in the little moments and not just live for a checklist.