Little by little go I
How consistency and discipline in the little things mark me
If someone were to ask me what two qualities I would describe myself as I would say ‘consistent’ and ‘disciplined’. Once I set my mind on something, I will either finish it (if it is a task) or full send on the commitment I have made to myself - both of which involve consistency and self-discipline. I would define consistency as reliable, steadfast, and persistent and discipline as doing the hard thing even when you do not want to. To put them together, consistency and self-discipline are steadfastly continuing to do something I do not want to do with the long-term view that it will help me in the future. I all the time ask myself what I can do now to help my future self and those moment by moment choices often involve sacrificing something in the moment (eg, time, sleep, money) as I look ahead to something to come.
One mantra that I have mentioned before and lives rent-free in my head is ‘little by little’ which is something my grad school PI told us grad students often. In my adult life, I have come to see how this mantra truly is the key to incremental progress and partners directly with discipline and self-control. As the New Year has just begun, I thought to dive into how this phrase and qualities have impacted my life and continue to do so.
When I was 8, I began playing violin and what came out of that quarter size wood instrument was anything but lovely as my bow screeched across the strings like nails on a chalkboard for probably months. Over time, my skills progressed to where I could read music easily and participate in violin competitions. While I have taken time off of playing violin a few times in my adult life, now I consistently play in my church to ensure that my skills remain sharp.
From learning to play an instrument at an early age, my understanding of little by little was cemented. Looking back, I did not pick up the violin as a virtuoso - what skills I have as an adult were developed through dedicated practice which took time, mental energy, and consistent nagging by my parents. More than any other childhood hobby, violin showed me that you have to work at something gradually to become good at it and even then becoming good at something is not a guarantee.
Fast forward to my second year of grad school which was also my second year of marriage. The first year of grad school is tough. You take almost a full course load of classes while also rotating through three different labs where you are doing a research project and basically simultaneously being interviewed and interviewing the lab to determine if you want to spend the next 5+ years with these people doing this science. My first year of grad school was on top of moving out of my parent’s house, moving in with my husband, and figuring out the first year of marriage. Needless to say I was pretty stressed coming out of that first year of everything and realized that I needed a physical outlet.
I began going to the gym as someone who had really very minor gym experience. Like many girls I knew at the time, I looked at the gym as a place to go to get a ‘bikini body’ and the program I was doing was literally called ‘The Bikini Body Program’. However, a part of me knew that exercise would be good for both my body and my mind. Over the course of a year, I fell in love with the gym as my program morphed from cardio-based workouts to strength training and eventually to weightlifting. I became more confident and felt strong. However, this did not happen overnight, it happened rep by rep, breath by breath, muscle contraction by muscle contraction. I invested a lot of time watching videos of how to do certain lifts, recording myself to check my form, and connecting with friends and online friends to talk about exercise.
Exercising became a commitment to myself to help both my mental state and my physical body. I would wake up many mornings and have no desire to go to the gym, but I did it anyway because I said I would. Being consistent and disciplined to get to the gym is only one part of the puzzle; I also have to be consistent and disciplined in the gym to do my program and push each rep. Pushing through muscle soreness to do one more rep and then the following week being able to push a little more is addicting. It is ‘little by little’ but with a dopamine surge. Almost seven years after that initial decision to start working out, I am still just as consistent and disciplined with my workouts because I see the value in making commitments to myself and it gives me an opportunity to practice little by little.
In the fall of 2023, I took up a new hobby: pottery. Many moons ago, I took a pottery class with my Mum at a local arts center. But after finishing my PhD and realizing that I missed working with my hands, I thought that trying pottery out again could be a unique way to scratch that itch. During my throwing class (you ‘throw’ [make] pots on the wheel), I was humbled often as my pretty pot would collapse or get all the way to the end of the process (throw, let dry, trim, fire, glaze, fire) to have a crack appear after the final firing. As my pottery teacher said, “Don’t get precious about your pottery.” Once class finished and I had access to the studio to pot as I pleased, I slowly began making progress. This progress was not linear though; some evenings I would throw no pots and others I could throw a few. I had to train my body and mind to work together to understand the clay and the physics behind throwing pottery.
Pottery has been a great way to practice little by little as I have basically started by scratch. While I have other hobby priorities over pottery, I have observed how consistency in throwing makes it easier to throw the next time. But even if I am unable to spend hours in the studio, spending as short as 30 minutes to an hour in the studio is enough time to move a piece or two forward in the pottery process. Pottery is not something I have mastered by any stretch of the imagination, but it has been fascinating to see ‘little by little’ play out again in my life as I have learned a new hobby as an adult.
Having this philosophy of ‘little by little’ and the two qualities of discipline and consistency have served me so well in my adult life. They have helped me be more willing to try new things and give concerted time and effort to determine if something is for me.
The double edged side of these character traits has been the difficulty of knowing when it is time to move on from something I have committed to and to not view that decision to move on as a failure. There are times I have been consistent just because I said I would, but did not consider if it was the right time to continue with something. I am learning that there is wisdom to understanding the seasons of life and how goals ebb and flow based on life’s priorities.
As I think about having a baby in three short months, it is an exciting time to revaluate priorities. My husband and I are viewing everything we do as on the table and open for assessment. Part of me is looking forward to being intentional in asking why we are participating in certain activities (even if they are all good!) and to consider if that activity is in alignment with our goals as a family of three. Obviously, we do not know how our little girl will be or what life will look like, just that it will look different. However, no matter what, I know that consistency and discipline will continue to mark me as a person and I look forward to seeing how they look different in this new life stage!
“ I all the time ask myself what I can do now to help my future self and those moment by moment choices often involve sacrificing something in the moment (eg, time, sleep, money) as I look ahead to something to come. “ I do this too.