Intentions with Time Off
How I am viewing Christmas break differently this year
Christmas break is upon me and I am overjoyed to have an expanse of time yawn before me waiting to be filled. One perk of my company is that they shut down the week in between Christmas and New Year’s. This year, I also took off the two days ahead of Christmas to extend my break and allow my husband and I to travel up to the North Carolina mountains with his family for a pre-Christmas celebration. Currently, I am writing in a cozy coffee shop and there is snow on the ground outside (!). The city we live in has not had even a dusting of snow in the past few years, so it is absolutely delightful to be in a wintry wonderland - especially around Christmas. We are looking forward to sitting by the fire, enjoying tasty treats, and just resting.
Typically, during the time off between Christmas and New Year’s, I write up a large list of things I want to do and people I want to see. I have shared in the past how I view my life as a checklist and feel the pressure to ensure I am using my time well and wisely - especially the time I have to rest and relax. While I do have friends I plan to see over break and some tasks I want to do, I am trying to approach this time off differently, partly because this is the last Christmas break I will have that looks like it does this year.
A few weeks ago my husband and I shared on social media that we are pregnant after a journey of miscarriage and other health struggles. We are overjoyed and beyond excited for this next step of our lives. However, I want to really enjoy this period of waiting and preparation and time as a couple as I know life will change forever when we welcome our little girl at the end of April. I am holding a tension between excitement for the future and clinging to the past and the familiar and comfortable.
My modus operandi in life is to focus on what is next and preparing for the future to alleviate the burden on my future self. The refrain of ‘what can you do today to help your future self?’ echoes in my head on the daily. Often, the emphasis on preparation occurs at the expense of the present as I strain forward and forget I am in a current moment. When I put pen to paper to make a list it automatically transforms desires for good things into actionable, time-sensitive items I must address and soon so they are done. Intuitively, I know I have the freedom to work on my list when I want to, but acting on that is difficult.
This break I do still have a list, but most of it lives in my head of the people I want to see and the activities I would like to do. My physical list is smaller and really only includes some small chores. Including ‘reading’ or ‘knitting’ or ‘pottery’ on a list takes away some of the joy of pursuing those activities when the moment is right. My goal this break is to embrace the present and do something when I feel like it, not when I feel that I should do it.
I do have a few intentions in this period of time to rest and recover:
I want to ease myself into embracing less productivity and focus more on enjoyment and living in the moment. Spontaneity is difficult for me as a planner, but I know that a child will encourage a lot more spontaneity and allow for a lot less planning and structure. By encouraging spontaneity in an extended period of time, I hope to see the value of it which will ideally help me in the future
I want to leave my phone in the other room or across the room when reading to make it less accessible. I know I am more spontaneous and use my time more wisely when I minimize social media usage and resist the temptation to pick up my phone to look something up or scroll
I want to ensure I have time to reflect on 2024. Typically, I read through my journal and prayer journal from the past year to see how I grew as a person and how my relationship with the Lord grew. I cherish these times as I think reflection is just as important as planning and can help you prepare better for the future. It often takes a few hours to synthesize and reflect on my year, but doing sp in a bustling coffee shop with some good coffee and tasty treats it makes this process very enjoyable
Amusingly, at the end of this Substack I realize I made a little list for myself and my intentions for the next 2 weeks. However, I do view a list of intentions differently from a list of things to do as intentions inform what one does. Anyway, I hope you have a lovely holiday season and I will pick up with Substack in the New Year!